Who am I? – Bilingual blog

3. Campus life

I was still in financial crisis, therefore, I could afford to take an exam from one university. But thanks to that situation, I only had to focus on one exam.

I was good at science and mathematics, hence, I majored in engineering.

As a freshman, I was so hopeful. I believed that I could change everything from there—that studying very hard and being a scientist will free me from a poor life.

Without any basis, I assumed that my future would be like after graduating.

In the first and second year, I stayed in a dorm in the university.

It was a large room for 10 students. In that room, there were 10 sections separated by wooden plates. You could close the curtain at the entrance of each section so that there was some privacy (see diagram below).

Dormitory life was much better than I expected.

I talked with room mates about everything what we had been through in the past, what we would do in the future, and what we were trying to do at that time. I made the best friends. There were friendships for which I cannot express enough thanks.

It was not easy. I received a scholarship but it was not enough to pay for both school fees and living costs.

Plus, I had to send money to my parents since they were struggling with quite a bit of debt from my grandfather.

I worked very hard too, before and even after classes. During the daytime, I worked for a pachinko parlor. And later at night, I went to work cleaning.

My sleeping hours didn’t exceed 4 hours. If I had more sleep, I couldn’t finish homework and follow the lessons.

When semesters changed and I went to new classes, it was with a heavy heart that I couldn’t afford textbooks—especially science textbooks—which were very expensive. I tried to find senior students who can lend or give me as many as possible.

When I was very hungry but had no money, I drank tap-water until my stomach was full. Strangely, it was delicious. It’s well said that hunger is the best sauce.

Thankfully, even I had some girlfriends, however, none of them lasted long.

Almost all weekends were occupied by part time jobs. On rare off days, I would have much rather have rested at home than hang out.

Even when I went out for a date, it was always cheaper restaurant since I couldn’t have enough money for fancy restaurant.  I was very far from what ordinary young Japanese girls expected from men as their boyfriends. I was very sorry for disappointing them and wasting their time but it was the best I could do.

I was mortified, ashamed and frustrated by myself.

I changed those feelings into the fighting spirit.

When I couldn’t sleep at night due to negative feelings, even if it was late night, I went for running. I did shadowboxing at a park. My stomach was empty but it easily got heated up. I fought my shadow with single minded devotion as if I defeat my weakness.

With great help from my friends, I somehow managed to graduate from university but ended up dropping out of my master’s degree for financial reasons once again.

My dream to become a scientist ended like *that*.

Back then, one of my great teachers told me “universities are for the people who cannot go to university”. I didn’t understand that when I heard it but now I fully understand what it means.

It was the biggest fall I have taken in my life.

Next page: To the world